5 things that would’ve changed my experience/reaction if I’d had known first…
“If I’d had known,” seems to be a common phrase that enters my head when situations come up while being a new parent of a 3 month old boy. Yes, friends/family tell me what I should expect, what I need to do, etc. but nothing drives home a lesson more than experience. So if I could go back in time and tell myself anything about my upcoming parenting, it would be these 5 things…
1) Have a very loose birth plan
I say very loose because I had an awesome birth plan, how I wanted labor to go, how much my husband should be involved, what immediate postpartum would look like and guess what… none of it happened. 0% went the way I thought. We ended up having a C-section, my husband was the first one to hold our son, and I literally forgot about everything else I wanted because it moved so fast. So have a plan, but don’t be married to it, they will come how and when they want.
2) Breastfeeding is harder than you think
I’ve heard it’s so natural but no, it’s not. It might be a natural process but learning how to make sure the latch is good, checking to see if they are eating enough, if you should pump or not, it’s a lot to take in and if your hospital is anything like mine was, there’s no study/Googling time, you start breastfeeding immediately. But, it will be ok. It’s scary and hard but also amazing and wonderful.
3) You’ll cry over everything…like everything
I cried because he outgrew his first outfit, I cried because he was so cute and my heart couldn’t take it, I cried because my dog looked sad. I know some of it is sleep deprivation, some hormones but honestly? I think it was me learning to love this human I birthed and realizing he was out of me and I can actually see him growing now. And crying felt good so don’t hold it in! If it does get to be too much, therapy is a great option but I found that relating to other new moms was more helpful because I felt normal when I wasn’t the only one crying over everything.
4) Sometimes, they just cry
Nothing is worse than a newborn screaming and you can’t figure out why. You go through the checklist of: hungry, dirty diaper, tired, temperature, everything and you hit all the check marks yet they are still crying. It took me awhile to understand that sometimes, they just cry. Sometimes, I just cry. But all I can do is hold him, talk calmly, and breath. He’ll eventually settle down…I hope.
5) It’ll be ok
This is the hardest one for me but the one I would tell myself over and over. If you show up for them, love them, and keep them safe, it’ll be ok. Sometimes it feels like it won’t and in those moments, breath. This is all new for both of you so viewing you and your new one as a team helps when learning. You’ll get through it. Find resources that work for you (ie. therapy, mom groups, friends/family, walking) and carry on mama, you got this!
I definitely not having another one but if I was, I would remind myself of these 5 things every time. These 5 things will also probably change as I continue on in parenthood because I am just starting but I do know #5 will stay consistent because it will be ok 🙂
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